I just finished my first draft of my personal statement, and sent it to several people for reviews.
It's really interesting what different people pick up on...
The first person to get it back to me was my current lead, Bob. (Hehe, when I typed that, I imagined Bob the dinosaur from the Dilbert comics). OK, so Bob basically rearranged my essay so it went in the order the instructions gave: Background, Technical Areas of Interest, Future Career Goals.
Dawn was the second person to come back with critiques. She is valuable to me because she is currently in grad school and writes a lot. :) She helped break up some of my longer sentences, and took out a lot of gushy bits.
It will be interesting to see who else a) responds, and b) has critiques that are different.
Ah, grad school by consensus.